Opening up

Well I wasn't going to post today. I don't know if that is about not wanting to 'bother people' or 'dump my stuff' on everyone.
What, you may ask? Today is the anniversary of the death of our much loved Olly (he was 9), who drowned 2 years ago, whilst staying with friends.
But the truth is I find sharing this stuff with someone (...is anyone there??) really helpful. And sadly, very few people in my life are 'there for me' to share it with, person to person like. I don't think they are sick of me, I just think people are busy and can't face it. Or maybe people think we should be 'over it'. I hope not because we never will be. We have made a choice to never use the terms 'over it, 'moving on' or 'closure' because to us they feel like we are leaving Olly behind. We like to think we might find a way to 'move forward with Olly still in our lives in a different way'. So blogging it shall be.
I have posted his picture here to honour his memory. DH and I both have the day off work and don't have anything special planned except to 'hang out' together and spend time with our other boys. We have chosen to celebrate his birthdays but just try to be together on the anniversary of the day he died.
The week leading up to today has been really hard (I find that's often the case with Christmas, birthdays etc) and I have been teary, emotional and tired (also grumpy and intolerant at times but my kids might say that was normal!!!) Funnily enough, today I feel calm and strong. We will all have a weep when we visit the cemetary this morning tho.

I hope this makes sense, and maybe by sharing this with people I can help someone understand grief a bit more. Of course, it's a very individual thing.
People have often said to me over the past 2 years..."Is there anything I can do?"....The answer is yes.
Today, for me, can you give your children a special cuddle and tell them you love them.

Kind thoughts
Sandra